July 24, 2008
...or not so silent, as
the case might be. Oh Dear God in Heaven. Will someone
please shoot me right in my head right now, right in this moment and be
done with it?
This has been one of those
weeks... no, one of those TWO weeks and maybe even a bit before that
where everything I try to do has to take weeks or years or decades to
get done and where it seems as though everyone in the whole wide world
is working double time to run interference and AGGGHHH!!
So the end result of this
is that I am not getting done the things I want to do and I am barely
getting done the things I have to do and none of them am I getting done
particularly well if I do do them.
I know that in times like
this, the key move is to back up, take a breath and relax, then try to
figure out where you went off track. I've done that a couple of
times with very little success and when THAT happens, it's time to just
stop in your tracks and let the world turn a few times until you figure
out what you're doing or not doing to contribute to the mess.
It's never a bad time to
just shut the hell up or in this case, stop trying to move and affect
some kind of change.
My kids start school on
August 11th. That's in 18 days, not that I'm counting or
anything. They are feeling bored and restless with the change
pending in the air and in some ways, anxious over the new things coming
up in their lives.
Delena will be going into
her Junior year of high school and will be tackling new classes and new
challenges with the prospect of post-graduation expectations looming
even more menacingly on the horizon. Dylan will be going into his
first year of middle school and even though he knows kids who are
already there, it's still change from what he's known so far.
Nathan will be adjusting to grade school without Dylan. They have
been in the same school (which is only 2 classrooms) for as long as
Nathan has been in school (with the exception of the first very few
months when I homeschooled Dylan) and for about half of that time, they
have been in the same classroom since they are only 2 years apart and
the K-2 kids are together and the 3-5 kids are together.
Everyone is antsy and high
energy and irritable. I've spent a good bit of time trying to
ground down the energy and keep everyone from going off the rails.
Eric's business is very
lucrative...when businesses are building and expanding. Now, the
new development is slowing dramatically with the economy being the way
it is. The people for whom he has done work, as I've whined about
extensively, are slow to pay with only tiny bits trickling out at a
He finally decided his
only option was to go back to work. He left on good terms with
his last employer (who he quit to go do the mail route) and the
employer took him back with considerations for the work he is still
obligated to do. He started yesterday and so far, he has seen
positives and negatives to the situation.
Because he is going
through change as well, he's been uneasy and agitated.
The phone seems to ring
off the hook now and those who know me, know I am NOT a phone person. I
hate just sitting on the phone, whether it's one long conversation or
several shorter ones. Rarely is the ringing phone for me and if
it is, it's usually a bill collector.
One thing I have to say,
the bill collectors must have gotten some high end training in
customer service because the ones I've dealt with have been very
understanding and eager to get you into a program you can afford.
The businesses must be losing out with people declaring bankruptcy or
just not paying. It's a far cry from the really bitchy,
aggressive customer service folks I used to encounter.
The mortgage company helps
us into a very accommodating deal to lower our mortgage payments by
around $500 a month (it's sad when your mortgage is lowered by that
much and it's still over a grand a month - and not because you have
some amazing spread with a mansion on it, but because it's just the
cost of living) for 6 months, which helps immensely. If you're
struggling, I'm telling you, call your mortgage company and cry because
a LOT of them are under federal pressure to help people remain in their
Piece by piece, month by
month, it all works out.
The business is going OK.
We aren't breaking any records, that is for sure, and there is a lot of
trial and error as to what is going to sell and what isn't. We
still do the swap meet every Sunday morning from around 6:30 - 1:30 or
so. I quit making the monkeys because apparently, sock monkeys
are not all the rage right now based on the sales. They take a
long time to make and the socks are fairly expensive to buy, so it
becomes a lost cause. The hand dipped incense is selling like
mad, as are the other aromatherapy products we make and sell like the
candles, soaps, skin care products and sachets. The diva stuff
like the glasses and boas don't move particularly well. We
invested in some tie-dyed bandanas and they are just flying off the
tables. Little by little, we are phasing out what doesn't sell in
favor of what does. Right now, our profit is minimal, but growing
as we find our way.
The ultimate result is
that Jackie Lou and I get to sit at the swap meet every Sunday morning
and people watch and trash talk, which is just great fun, then both of
us go home with a few more dollars in our pockets.
You just can't beat that.
I'm making sun bonnets as
my newest endeavor. The first one was a bitch, but I've found
several ways to make them easier to make.
I have also been heavily
involved in redesigning EOS. Our 8th anniversary is in August and
it's time for a makeover, so the past week and a half has had me up to
my neck in site design. I actually ended up making two and
getting input from the staff as to what they like and don't like.
They were really helpful and insightful.
So I finished the two new
site designs, one of which you will see in the near future but I'm
still not sure which one, and as I was in the process of emailing the
results out to the staff, my computer spontaneously rebooted and when
Windows started, I got the dreaded Blue Screen Of Death. When I
rebooted from that, there was nothing but a black screen for days.
After trying a few
different things, I plugged the boys' video card into my computer and
got a picture again. As many of you may know, new video cards are
around $60-100 right now and while I can't afford it in the least, I
can't afford NOT to have it because of the few pennies my web design
brings in. Agh. So Eric is in town buying one now on his
way home from work.
I can't really complain
about that either because of the weird thing that happened. When
the video card went out, I called my son, David, who is my computer
genius and he was in quite a bluster because HIS computer had done
exactly the same thing at the same minute. He ended up buying a
new mother board, new processor and new RAM, which set him back around
$400. Around that point for me, I would have ceased to be an
online entity at all.
Speaking of redesigns (as
I was a few a few paragraphs back), I
opened this page to updated and realized that I was tremendously bored
with how it looked, so I went searching for new designs and agh, most
of them made me want to start stabbing myself in the head with a fork.
Either they are made with those little "doll" things or they are so
painfully sweet you need an insulin shot to view them or the photo is
so big, there's no room for the words. This one will do nicely
for now, although I'm not sure how silent or lucid I actually am at the
The trip to LA was
wonderful for the most part and I am so grateful to have been
able to go. I am eager to write up my reviews of
the events and experiences and get them posted. Because most of
our nights were free, I got to spend quality time with Kathy Hardeman,
which is always a joy.
One of the most fun
moments, in addition to meeting Peter Billingsley, was when we were
waiting for our almost:limo to arrive (as an important FYI, $25 gets
you from the Sportsmens to the Bob Hope Airport whether you go in a
City Cab or a tricked out Lincoln Connie) and lo! And behold!
Gene Simmons walked right past us. My jaw dropped and I was
whacking on Delena and telling her to start snapping photos with her
cell phone. He, himself, was on his cell phone having a very
intense conversation, not to mention the fact that this guy has a
"don't FUCK with me" force field around him that you just don't want to
cross, trust me. Delena was taking photos, but in one, the sun
was behind him and in the other, he's walking away and it's all fuzzy.
Pfft, I'll post them anyway, as you well know. I just have to get
them from her.
Meanwhile, there he sits, looking pretty
much like he did on the cell phone. It was clearly him, so shut
up, doubters. I'd worked the red carpet at an event earlier that
day and the photographers said I'd just missed him while I was
escorting someone else into the green room, so I knew he was there, I
just did not expect to see him walking around with us common folks.
So as you can see from my writing and my
whining, I don't really have anything profound to be bugged about, but
it's some kind of cumulative, frustrated, no quiet time having, overly
kid populated, husband-saturated, financially challenged, too many
things to do mess.
Not to mention, my hormones have been
whacked out for a couple of months now. I'm eating Estroven like
popcorn and smearing progesterone cream everywhere.
The good news is my blood pressure is
dead on balls accurate, thank you very much.
Now, I am off to make salmon cakes
and...something, not sure what yet, for dinner. The kids already
made themselves grilled cheese sandwiches and so I'm only cooking for
me and Eric.
How I would love to be sitting at Black
Angus right now, about to be served a nice salad, some baked potato
soup and a big steak dinner...
A girl can dream.