A rose is a rose is a rose

Silent Lucidity



July 24, 2008

...or not so silent, as the case might be.  Oh Dear God in Heaven.  Will someone please shoot me right in my head right now, right in this moment and be done with it?

This has been one of those weeks... no, one of those TWO weeks and maybe even a bit before that where everything I try to do has to take weeks or years or decades to get done and where it seems as though everyone in the whole wide world is working double time to run interference and AGGGHHH!!

So the end result of this is that I am not getting done the things I want to do and I am barely getting done the things I have to do and none of them am I getting done particularly well if I do do them.

I know that in times like this, the key move is to back up, take a breath and relax, then try to figure out where you went off track.  I've done that a couple of times with very little success and when THAT happens, it's time to just stop in your tracks and let the world turn a few times until you figure out what you're doing or not doing to contribute to the mess.

It's never a bad time to just shut the hell up or in this case, stop trying to move and affect some kind of change.

My kids start school on August 11th.  That's in 18 days, not that I'm counting or anything.  They are feeling bored and restless with the change pending in the air and in some ways, anxious over the new things coming up in their lives.

Delena will be going into her Junior year of high school and will be tackling new classes and new challenges with the prospect of post-graduation expectations looming even more menacingly on the horizon.  Dylan will be going into his first year of middle school and even though he knows kids who are already there, it's still change from what he's known so far.  Nathan will be adjusting to grade school without Dylan.  They have been in the same school (which is only 2 classrooms) for as long as Nathan has been in school (with the exception of the first very few months when I homeschooled Dylan) and for about half of that time, they have been in the same classroom since they are only 2 years apart and the K-2 kids are together and the 3-5 kids are together. 

Everyone is antsy and high energy and irritable.  I've spent a good bit of time trying to ground down the energy and keep everyone from going off the rails.

Eric's business is very lucrative...when businesses are building and expanding.  Now, the new development is slowing dramatically with the economy being the way it is.  The people for whom he has done work, as I've whined about extensively, are slow to pay with only tiny bits trickling out at a time.

He finally decided his only option was to go back to work.  He left on good terms with his last employer (who he quit to go do the mail route) and the employer took him back with considerations for the work he is still obligated to do.  He started yesterday and so far, he has seen positives and negatives to the situation.

Because he is going through change as well, he's been uneasy and agitated.

The phone seems to ring off the hook now and those who know me, know I am NOT a phone person. I hate just sitting on the phone, whether it's one long conversation or several shorter ones.  Rarely is the ringing phone for me and if it is, it's usually a bill collector.

One thing I have to say, the bill collectors  must have gotten some high end training in customer service because the ones I've dealt with have been very understanding and eager to get you into a program you can afford.  The businesses must be losing out with people declaring bankruptcy or just not paying.  It's a far cry from the really bitchy, aggressive customer service folks I used to encounter.

The mortgage company helps us into a very accommodating deal to lower our mortgage payments by around $500 a month (it's sad when your mortgage is lowered by that much and it's still over a grand a month - and not because you have some amazing spread with a mansion on it, but because it's just the cost of living) for 6 months, which helps immensely.  If you're struggling, I'm telling you, call your mortgage company and cry because a LOT of them are under federal pressure to help people remain in their homes.

Piece by piece, month by month, it all works out.

The business is going OK.  We aren't breaking any records, that is for sure, and there is a lot of trial and error as to what is going to sell and what isn't.  We still do the swap meet every Sunday morning from around 6:30 - 1:30 or so.  I quit making the monkeys because apparently, sock monkeys are not all the rage right now based on the sales.  They take a long time to make and the socks are fairly expensive to buy, so it becomes a lost cause.  The hand dipped incense is selling like mad, as are the other aromatherapy products we make and sell like the candles, soaps, skin care products and sachets.  The diva stuff like the glasses and boas don't move particularly well.  We invested in some tie-dyed bandanas and they are just flying off the tables.  Little by little, we are phasing out what doesn't sell in favor of what does.  Right now, our profit is minimal, but growing as we find our way.

The ultimate result is that Jackie Lou and I get to sit at the swap meet every Sunday morning and people watch and trash talk, which is just great fun, then both of us go home with a few more dollars in our pockets.

You just can't beat that.

I'm making sun bonnets as my newest endeavor.  The first one was a bitch, but I've found several ways to make them easier to make.

I have also been heavily involved in redesigning EOS.  Our 8th anniversary is in August and it's time for a makeover, so the past week and a half has had me up to my neck in site design.  I actually ended up making two and getting input from the staff as to what they like and don't like.  They were really helpful and insightful.

So I finished the two new site designs, one of which you will see in the near future but I'm still not sure which one, and as I was in the process of emailing the results out to the staff, my computer spontaneously rebooted and when Windows started, I got the dreaded Blue Screen Of Death.  When I rebooted from that, there was nothing but a black screen for days.

After trying a few different things, I plugged the boys' video card into my computer and got a picture again.  As many of you may know, new video cards are around $60-100 right now and while I can't afford it in the least, I can't afford NOT to have it because of the few pennies my web design brings in.  Agh.  So Eric is in town buying one now on his way home from work.

I can't really complain about that either because of the weird thing that happened.  When the video card went out, I called my son, David, who is my computer genius and he was in quite a bluster because HIS computer had done exactly the same thing at the same minute.  He ended up buying a new mother board, new processor and new RAM, which set him back around $400.  Around that point for me, I would have ceased to be an online entity at all.

Speaking of redesigns (as I was a few a few paragraphs back), I opened this page to updated and realized that I was tremendously bored with how it looked, so I went searching for new designs and agh, most of them made me want to start stabbing myself in the head with a fork.  Either they are made with those little "doll" things or they are so painfully sweet you need an insulin shot to view them or the photo is so big, there's no room for the words.  This one will do nicely for now, although I'm not sure how silent or lucid I actually am at the moment.

The trip to LA was wonderful for the most part and I am so grateful to have  been able to go.  I am eager to write up my reviews of the events and experiences and get them posted.  Because most of our nights were free, I got to spend quality time with Kathy Hardeman, which is always a joy.

One of the most fun moments, in addition to meeting Peter Billingsley, was when we were waiting for our almost:limo to arrive (as an important FYI, $25 gets you from the Sportsmens to the Bob Hope Airport whether you go in a City Cab or a tricked out Lincoln Connie) and lo!  And behold!  Gene Simmons walked right past us.  My jaw dropped and I was whacking on Delena and telling her to start snapping photos with her cell phone.  He, himself, was on his cell phone having a very intense conversation, not to mention the fact that this guy has a "don't FUCK with me" force field around him that you just don't want to cross, trust me.  Delena was taking photos, but in one, the sun was behind him and in the other, he's walking away and it's all fuzzy.  Pfft, I'll post them anyway, as you well know.  I just have to get them from her.

Meanwhile, there he sits, looking pretty much like he did on the cell phone.  It was clearly him, so shut up, doubters.  I'd worked the red carpet at an event earlier that day and the photographers said I'd just missed him while I was escorting someone else into the green room, so I knew he was there, I just did not expect to see him walking around with us common folks.


So as you can see from my writing and my whining, I don't really have anything profound to be bugged about, but it's some kind of cumulative, frustrated, no quiet time having, overly kid populated, husband-saturated, financially challenged, too many things to do mess.

Not to mention, my hormones have been whacked out for a couple of months now.  I'm eating Estroven like popcorn and smearing progesterone cream everywhere.

The good news is my blood pressure is dead on balls accurate, thank you very much.

Now, I am off to make salmon cakes and...something, not sure what yet, for dinner.  The kids already made themselves grilled cheese sandwiches and so I'm only cooking for me and Eric.

How I would love to be sitting at Black Angus right now, about to be served a nice salad, some baked potato soup and a big steak dinner...

A girl can dream.

Be particular,



Brown Cloud Bummer

FullMoon Graphics - Kitty Did it!