April 25, 2007
Today, I was doing my very best to not do Jack Shit. I had almost no sleep last night and what I got was not of the quality stuff. I woke up dragging more than ever. I was thrilled to see a message from Andrea in my inbox saying that her husband was staying home from work today, so she was going to skip working out and hang with him while the kids were in school. I got Delena going and grabbed a few more minutes of sleep before having to get the kids out the door. When I got up from the couch, there was another message from Andrea saying she could work out after all. I thought about canceling, but decided that if the Universe wanted me to do it this much, I could at least make the effort and keep my sterling record clear.
That would be one thing I'd do the entire day other than get kids on the bus.
As Nathan was at the door talking to me about something, he wasn't paying attention and let Muggles shoot out the door past him. I could have killed him. I swear, that child pays no attention to anything going on around him. He could be talking away while bombs are dropping and the earth is giving birth to razor blades all around him.
Got kids on the bus and Andrea and I started doing the warm up to one of the work out DVDs and decided to just go for a walk instead, so we walked for an hour up and down hills. I managed to do it without huffing and puffing and heaving like usual. It was still draining, especially about 200 feet into the walk when Muggles came up to me like nothing was going on. I picked her up and carried her back to the house, all 45 pounds or so of her. That was something I thought was going to kill me. As I was trying to hoist myself and her up onto the deck (a very big step), Zach, the big, black, rather dim Jethro cat I own, came out of the cat hotel and started rowling and fussing at Muggles and Muggles screamed (all 3 of the dogs are scared to death of that particular cat) and started struggling like mad. I finally got her in the door, feeling on the verge of a heart attack (me, not her).
I swiped the dog hair off of me (of course, I was wearing black) and off we went. When we got in, I collapsed into a chair and Eric called, saying he was swamped and asking me to call Susan (the Postmaster at Grizzly Flats) to let her know he'd be over an hour late getting to the Grizzly Flats mail. Shit. So I offered to go do it for him today (he was giving me the week off and I'd already done Monday). My day of Not Doing Jack Shit was not going well at all.
Got home from doing the mail and laid about a good bit. I even had the computer turned off because I wanted to hide. I still haven't answered emails I got from today. I am just so done in. When Eric got home, he wanted to bleed the brakes on the Mail Jeep, so I went out and stomped on the brakes over and over for about 20 minutes or so (more of not not doing Jack Shit) Now it's 6:40pm, I haven't even thought about what to feed people for dinner and I'm so tired I can barely hold my eyes open. Fortunately, there's nothing I want to watch on TV tonight, so they might get bagels, presweetened cereal and not much else for dinner. I'm not hungry and it's hard for me to think about making dinner when nothing really sounds good anyway.
I imagine we'll watch another episode of Deadwood (we're still on the first season, about 3-4 disks into it) and then I'll try to go to sleep and get caught up. Oh yes. Eric wants to smudge the house and do some protection spellwork tonight, so I guess I'll do that too.
I am determined that tomorrow will be a better day. Today wasn't really a bad day; it was just a really tired day. Oh and almost as soon as he got home, Nathan stopped to play with Muggles, then opened up the door and let her out. So she's on the lam again. Fortunately, she's the one who only goes off to hide in the neighbor's yard (they're never, ever there and the house is pretty much abandoned) or in the woods the whole time she's out. It's just a pain never knowing where she is or what she's doing and I'm not going to go sifting through these grizzly bear, mountain lion-infested woods looking for a dog with so little gratitude that it bolts the second the door cracks a half inch. If she ends up as wild animal kibbles, I'll be sad, but the dog just refuses to stay put.
In other worlds, I am noticing a distinct lack of cute shoes this spring. What's with that?
Particular (in all you do, in where you spend your time and in whom you
invest energy, etc),
April 24, 2007
Agh. I think I slept, but when I got up at 5:45 with Delena, I could barely drag myself out of bed. After she got on the bus, I snuggled in my best sleeping place, the corner where the chaise lounge and the couch come together. I feel hard into sleep and when my chiming computer clock was under the impression that I needed to get up and get the boys moving for school, my body disagreed rather harshly. I did manage to get everything done and them out the door intact and happy.
I emailed Andrea and told her I was half asleep and that we shouldn't do yoga today, which is fine because we always do yoga on Fridays and this is Tuesday. I was glad to see her here because I was so close to begging off and now I had to do it. There have been a lot of days like that.
We did a 60 minute work out and my arms were sore and shaking afterwards. Now I'm glad I did it, of course. Another day closer to goal size and ongoing success. Today completes 14 weeks of exercise. Starting on #15. That's the longest I've ever sustained ongoing exercise in the past 20 years or so.
I don't know why I was moved to make this page. Ego, maybe. I just felt like having something that was mine.
Just like I circuit train for exercise, I'm going to circuit my activities today. I'm going to clean house and sleep in intervals, trying to get the two most pressing demands met in my life.
I need to feel better than I do now and I am dedicated to achieving that today.
April 23, 2007
I came out of this weekend feeling worn and tired. It was an emotionally challenging time and I've between a slight headache and feeling irritable all day long. It's not hormonal (just finished that bit) and it's not my "diet," which is going well and not stressing me out at all. It's that feeling of incoming change and flux. I welcome it and greet it with love, but also with fatigue.
There are certain signs I have come to recognize as being harbingers of life change and I've had a few of them show up, so I'm trying to relax into the change and let it happen. I don't know why it leaves me feeling so disjointed, tired and out of sorts, especially when inevitably the changes are for the better, but such seems to be the case.
Friday night was GFORCE Bingo night and my job is Floor Manager, which means I make sure the room gets all set up and then I verify the bingos as the night's games progress. I was already feeling out of sorts, so I wore my tiara and cat-eyed rhinestone glasses, pulled appropriately down onto the bridge of my nose, because I have to see, of course.
Saturday, I took Dylan to town (it was his week to go with me) and we had a nice enough time. Afterward, we played pinochle with our friend, Carolynda and Roy, and that was lovely.
Sunday was a mess. Eric was feeling out of sorts because he hadn't been able to work out the financing on a very, very nice 20 acre piece of property that he really, really wanted. We didn't have a very good day and I was glad to see the back side of that one.
I didn't sleep well last night and had a tough time getting up. I chugged down some EmergenC and tried to shake off the blahs and the blues. Andrea and I had a wonderful workout. We used a DVD from Prevention magazine and it turned out to be really, really good. We were completely drenched in sweat by the time we finished (I'd guess about 45-50 minutes including warm up and cool down) and there were a few places where we both thought we weren't going to make it through (always a good sign).
I went in a little late to do the mail because Susan, my postmaster, was swamped with mail and didn't have my first class mail ready yet. In case you don't know, the first class mail has to be delivered every day, but the bulk mail (magazines, junk mail) can be delivered any time within 3 days of it being received by the post office. The postmaster hurries to get all of my first class mail ready for me by the time I'm due to arrive, then also gives me whatever bulk mail she has ready. Sometimes, we don't have much mail and I'll get it all and sometimes, I'll only get the first class mail.
Today, I only got the first class mail and still was flooded. Even so, it only took me an hour to get it sorted and delivered, which was nice. I came home and rested a bit, did some site work and then Eric was home. He'd planned to go to town to get some supplies he needed for building a new storage shed, but didn't feel like making the drive, so he came home in stead and we spent some healing time in the spa. That helped a good bit. Afterwards, we watched the last "Deadwood" DVD we have from Netflix (color me addicted) and then I decided to write a bit before going to bed. I hope to get some good sleep tonight.
Eric has said he will do my mail for the rest of the week (and he's doing my dishes now, as a matter of fact), so I want to use the time well. Tomorrow, after Andrea leaves following exercise, I want to get my house really clean and a bit of laundry done. I always feel so much better after the house is put back in order and at this time, in order it is not. I have not yet updated the Grizzly Flats Online site for this week, so that will be waiting for me. I hope to have shaken off this headache in the making that is brewing so that I can look at life afresh.
The last of our cold seems to have left. After a weird week of snow, rain, lots of hail and even a bit of thunder, we had clear skies and warm temperatures today. It feels like the last of winter has finally shaken off.
Full Moon is on May 2nd, the day after Beltane when goals for the year are "fertilized" to give them a boost. That seems appropriate to have the moon's cycle culminate then as well. It feels blessed. On May 3rd, Joe will be here to visit, which will be lovely.
In short (or long), the next time you hear from me, I should be feeling much better and less out of sorts. I've got the vibrating thing going on in my bones again where it's kind of hard to put my teeth together and I get these rushes of energy going. That's something else that happens just before change hits. Guess I'd better work harder to be ready for it and ride out the waves. For the time being, however, my hope is just to get a little rest and get my house in order. I don't want to do any left-brain work at all. I feel completely not analytical or academic. I feel as though I'm a bit of raw nerve or an open channel, waiting for information that simply has not yet arrived.
There is a saying amongst Pagany types that is, "The Goddess is alive and magick is afoot." If magick is a foot, I believe I need to use that foot to magically kick my own ass and get into gear. For the moment, I just want to loll about and indulge myself and that isn't getting done the things that need to get done.
Things are happening...I just don't have a clue what they are. So I wait.
So while I'm waiting and cleaning, you have a wonderful week and by all means, be particular.
April 16, 2007
You know, the weekend was just too short. On Saturday, it was raining the whole day. We got a bit of snow up here, but it was mixed with rain, so never really stuck in any kind of significant way. I delivered the mail, then had to rush downtown for a birthday party for one of the kids in Nathan's class. It was at Straw Hat, definitely one of my least favorite pizzas (and I'm very forgiving when it comes to pizza). The minute we got there, Dylan collapsed in tears from an earache, but Straw Hat is right across the parking lot from Albertsons (a grocery store), so I went over and got him some quick acting Tylenol and he was up playing video games in about a half hour.
After we spent about two hours there (my friend Andrea was there, so I had back up), we took the kids over to the Kid Expo at the El Dorado County Fairgrounds. Yep, it was still raining like mad and at like at every other fairgrounds, we had to pack about a million miles from where the stuff was actually going on. Most of the stations were inside, so the show definitely went on. We had the two little ones, Nathan and Dylan (7 and 9), plus Delena (14) and her friend Allyssa (15). I think the girls had more fun than the boys. Eric joined us almost as soon as we got there and was starving, so he paid $8 for a slice of pizza and a hotdog. There were hundreds of activities and every other one was beading with the same million plastic beads. The kids got their faces painted, played a few games, discovered flubber (way fun, got the stuff to make it) and went to the petting farm. I thought "petting farm" sounded dirty whereas "petting zoo" does not, but I think they made their wording choice based on the fact that there were only a few miniature horses, some bunnies and a giant dog there. Not exactly "zoo" material. As we went in, Eric did ask if there would be giraffes and was disappointed that they were fresh out.
For those of you who do not know, Eric has a "giraffe thing." Ever since we moved here, he's been going on about wanting a giraffe. My friend, Sherry, suggested that we get a wooden, painted giraffe and put it out in the woods, show it to him, tell him we got him a giraffe, but he can't get close to it or he'll scare it away.
After we closed down the Kids' Expo, we went to Denny's (best iced tea and most mediocre food) and fed people. Nothing looked good to me, so I just had chicken noodle soup.
Yesterday was lovely. Still cool, but no rain and of course, everything smelled all woodsy and nice. Eric took Delena to see "Godspell" at a local theater production and I honestly don't remember much else that happened. When he got home, we watched "Running Scared," which was a good enough movie. I'd seen the beginning before, but only about 20 minutes in. It had that "Mad Max" amateur quality to it, but the story was good and had some nice twists along the way.
Now we have "For Your Consideration," which is the new Christopher Guest mockumentary. I was bummed when he said he wasn't going to make any more because I love the ensemble of Eugene Levy, Catherine O'Hara, Harry Shearer, Jennifer Coolidge, Parker Posey, Michael McKean and Fred Willard. They were awesome in "Best in Show" and "A Mighty Wind." Eric isn't interested in it. The genre doesn't interest him. He's one of the few people I know who did not enjoy "This Is Spinal Tap." I also loved "The Ruttles" AND "The Ruttles 2." We are also working our way through "Deadwood." I didn't care for it when it debuted, but I watched the first episode and liked it this time.
I can't believe I was busy watching "Running Scared" last night and totally spaced that "Sopranos" was on. Grrr. At least it repeats tonight (in about 40 minutes, in fact) and Eric and I can cuddle and watch it while we eat the Mexican food he's bringing home.
(Seeing a preview now for "Perfect Stranger" and may I just reiterate for the 5 millionth time that Bruce Willis is just hot as complete hell?)
Working out this morning was a nightmare. When she got here, Andrea asked me what I wanted to do. I wanted to say, "Go back in time and call you and tell you I can't workout today because I'm tarrred." Instead, I thought we could do the yoga DVD we didn't get to do in Friday, but I was good and instead, dug out the Biggest Loser DVD and we did low impact cardio and I also cued up the sculpt and strength part. After the cardio, I was just dead. I was sweating and my ears were ringing and I just felt terrible. I suggested that we were finished (it's a 20 minute segment), but Andrea begged and gave me 'the look,' so we went on and did the sculpting and I died a little more. By the time we were finished with the cool down (which also was killer for me for some reason), I was just a puddle of failure. Not really failure because I did it, but I felt so weak and exhausted. I used to be good at this, then was sick for a week and now I'm a mess.
This is also pre-period week (should hit next weekend), so I'm all bloaty and whiney and cranky. You have to imagine that there is no way in hell I'm weighing myself for a couple of weeks.
I set about Not Doing Jack Shit today. I got kids out the door and on the bus. I got the mail delivered (about 90 minutes of not very challenging work), I made the bed and mopped the part of the floor where we exercise. Other than that, I screwed off the entire day.
My cough is better. I still hack a bit, but not nearly as often as I was, so I think I'm officially on the mend. I will be grateful to see the backside of this one. I have several baskets of clothes to be folded (all clean, just in baskets), a huge stack of dishes to wash in the kitchen and some desk piles to sort. I may or may not do them. I just don't feel motivated.
Ha, of interest... Eric works with a woman whose son's name is Andy Kaufman. I have a man on my route named James Dean. One of my friend's is married to a man named Roy Rodgers (has a "d," so not perfect).
This makes me happy:
Joe is coming to visit May 3-10th. That makes me happy too.
Talk to you later.
I am a happily married broad of a particular age who lives in a rural mountain community on the edge of the El Dorado National Forest. Grizzly Flats was once a thriving mining town (think "Deadwood"), but is now a quiet, remote town with a few hundred year-round residents and several city folks with a country home up here where they come to rough it a few times a year. No more saloons or hotels or livery stables, just an unmanned fire station, a 2 room schoolhouse, a ranger station and a post office.
I am a writer and webmaster. I am also a rural route mail carrier and a student of life and the world around us.
I deeply honor all religions and whatever (harming none) path others use to reach God and their most sacred selves. I completely reject the premise that there is one path/ one religion that "fits all" and is the "right" one. Just as people speak in different languages to one another, I believe God also speaks to us in different languages. God knows us well enough to understand that our spirits vibrate on different levels and must be accessed in different ways with different words and practices.
Mike Rowe ("Dirty Jobs"): "Are you a religious man?"
Septic Tank Cleaner: "No, but I am a spiritual man."
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